Growing Pains

Written by Aimée Adams

I often find myself reminiscing about my childhood and remembering all the sweet moments that cause the corners of my mouth to inch upward. With this also comes memories that were not so smile-inducing, but rather character building. 

Here is a snippet of my life and the growing pains I’m sure a few of you can relate to - or at least parts of them. When I was a young girl my parents marriage ended and before I could even understand what had happened my whole life was flipped like a pancake. A family of four became a family of three overnight. This then new family dynamic has been the root of a lot of mental health struggles I would later face in my teenage years. In adolescence my mental health wasn’t the best - I had no self confidence to speak of, I always felt like an outsider and never fit into any category or label society deemed important. I consistently looked down upon myself and my ‘shortcomings’. All I wanted was to fit in.

My poor mental health quickly morphed into an undiagnosed eating disorder that was present for a number of years. My identity was rooted in the unstable and fragile foundation of being ‘thin’ and therefore being attractive. I finally fit in, or so I thought. I needed constant validation, affirmation and praise to supplement the lack of self confidence and identity. I knew something needed to drastically change. From when I was young and growing up in Swellendam, a small quaint village, I’d always dreamt of living in Cape Town and when I received a job offer in mid 2021 I immediately said yes. Three days later, with a car fully packed, my mom drove me through to Cape Town to start this new adventure and new chapter. Six months after living in the city I made drastic changes to my life. I decided to seek counselling, picked up healthy sustainable hobbies, regularly started exercising and surrounded myself with an incredible group of people who lovingly encourage me to grow and be better. I began to heal.

2022 was the most challenging, but also the most incredible year of my life - I started to flourish and thrive in every area of my life. I’ve grown so much from being the little girl who lacked identity, self confidence or purpose. I found my identity and purpose in my unshakable beliefs and now I get to do life with people who share those same values and beliefs. I still have a long way to go, but I am so proud of how far I’ve come. I’m grateful for all the lessons learnt from my past and I’m so stoked to see what the future holds. I no longer have a desire to fit into any box or a desire to change someones narrative they hold about me. I’m authentically myself and I try to live out my beliefs to the best of my ability. I have a butterfly tattoo that serves as a constant reminder of the growth and transformation I’ve gone through to be at this point in my life. Genuinely happy, healthy and fulfilled. One of the things that I learned was that, “Your past doesn’t determine the trajectory of your future. Lean into the uncomfortable stage of healing and growing and cultivate an environment where you can flourish.”