A Purpose Greater than Ourselves
Written by Ondela Mtati
I’ve always naturally been someone very optimistic about anything and everything. People, places, things, and even life itself. “Why be negative when there is so much to be positive about?” From an early age this has been a motto I have woven into my outlook on everyday life. The problem with being oblivious to negativity is that blatantly ignoring very real problems in my life meant that serious rectification to my reality needed to take place. Aspects like completely disregarding the negative thoughts and feelings of myself and others. The very real financial and emotional strain that not having university funding is putting on my parents, and me turning a blind eye to any form of pain and suffering I would see when I stepped outside of my door. I very often avoid being in my own thoughts, because I somehow believe that nothing good can come from introspection. A prime example of my living in oblivion. What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object? The unstoppable force being a deep passion and desire to be great, to be recognized for something, to achieve, to bring financial freedom and pride to my family. And the immovable object being an innate lack of initiative, having a persistent lethargic nature, and a very real lack of belief in myself. This force and this object both describe who I am, and I’m always trying to avoid wallowing in this internal conflict.
It feels like I’m living life in limbo and I’m trying to snap myself out of it, but I don’t know how. I struggle with trying to find an intrinsic drive, an incentive to do something and to be proactive about my life - a hunger for something. “But how can you tap into a level of hunger when you don’t have to wonder about where your next meal is coming from?” I heard that in a song once, it was as if the words were speaking directly to me. It got me thinking. I’ve developed a complacency. In myself, and in my saviour... Jesus. How can I have a hunger for a God when it feels like life is all sunshine and roses? How can I see a need for a saviour when I feel I don’t need saving? But that’s exactly what I need saving from. An intrinsically motivated individualistic nature. The idea that I must do it all, by myself, that I need to dig deep and find something from within in order to succeed, achieve, and solve all my problems. As I write this, I realise that I’m not the problem, the problem is the very thinking that it’s all about ME, when it’s not, it’s about Him. All of this is about HIM. And that’s exactly what I keep forgetting. If you’re like me you need to admit and come to terms with who you are, your dark reality, and most importantly your inherent need for something greater than yourself. You need to believe that you can be saved and that you can also choose him as your saviour. I believe that’s what should be our everyday reality. A purpose greater than ourselves. It’s not about you.
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